I Love Me, Too: A Guide To Radical Self-Love To Reclaim Your Power
Image by Audrey Ancell ©
We don’t need to be more pleasant, normal, or convenient, we just need to be ourselves. We need to save ourselves because that is how we save the world.”
Glennon Doyle
(bestseller, untamed wild woman warrior)
In a world where being self-conscious is a multi-billion dollar industry, loving yourself has become a revolution.
The not-so-radical truth is, self-love is not all bubble baths, Buddha bowls, and zen retreats starring gratitude lists and juice cleanses.
While self-care is an essential part of self-love this soul-full work is a loaded process. It’s just as sour as it is sweet, as many cuss words as “thank yous”, and probably more sad tears than happy ones. It can be uncomfortable and yet it might just be the medicine we need to take our power back.
It Starts With Self-Like
Liking yourself is the first step in self-love, and sometimes that’s easier said than done, but what isn’t?
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most complicated, dynamic, and intimate relationship we have in our lives. There are no secrets. When shit hits the fan we can’t just walk away from ourselves. We have to face ourselves every day despite our mistakes and be there for ourselves when nobody else is.
The kicker is, cultivating this depth of self-love is a difficult journey when we are living in a society that is determined to make people feel like shit about themselves.
There’s constant subliminal pressure telling us to be prettier, work harder, have fewer belly rolls, more followers, more money, to complain less, be quieter, etc. so we continue to feel like we are reaching for something better than ourselves, this toxic “not-enoughness.”
The Myth
Well, that’s the myth: “I am not enough.”
It has been the culprit for many people’s depression, low self-esteem, and unrealized talents. This myth has crippled my own goals and has sucked the creativity, passion, and potential out of so many people who have so much potential.
Things like: I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, not strong enough, not attractive enough, I don’t have enough money, not enough time, there’s not enough ketchup in a ketchup packet…
My Own Worst Enemy
Growing up self-love was foreign to me, the only thing I was taught about loving myself was that it was selfish and that I should be my own worst enemy ~ and so I was. I spent years battling hateful thoughts that lead to dangerous episodes of self-harm. I preferred to take the route of sabotage because that was more familiar to me than what some guru preached about positive thinking.
I had seen people do horrible things to themselves and it became hard for me to imagine anything different. Like when I saw my mother bang her head on the wall when she lost her job, and the time she drove herself off the side of a mountain in an attempt to kill herself after my parents divorced, or the multiple funerals I attended from family members committing suicide. The mental model that I had about self-love was more painful than getting shampoo in your eyes, and when you try to wash it out you just end up rubbing it in more, leaving you aching and disoriented.
As I got older, I continued to hold a tight grip on these dangerous belief systems. I sold my self-worth for far too cheap to people who couldn’t care less about me and when they hurt me, I hurt myself harder. I never felt like I was enough for anyone and undeserving of the good things in life, even though I knew I was a good person.
And then one thing became very clear to me, I was the common denominator of my pain. That while on one hand I was being treated poorly by others, it was me who had to step up to the plate and stop relying on them to make me happy. I learned that if I could play a role in my misery, I could also play a role in my joy and admiration.
I ditched this “fuck me” attitude and replaced it with a desire to want to get to know myself, so I could start to like myself and then go from there. One pat on the back at a time.
Radical Self-Love
Radical self-love is about untangling those deep-rooted beliefs that keep us second-guessing ourselves and making the executive decision that who we are is a cause for celebration.
In order to edit these outdated, shameful paradigms that make us question our significance, we’ve got to unleash who we really are and flip the bird on the systems that have tamed us for so long.
Loving Yourself Radically Is About…
Stepping out of the cage of cultural programming, the mass hallucination that we must look or be a certain way to be likable/ lovable.
Detoxing the obedient parts of ourselves that hold us back from doing or saying something because we think it won’t matter, are worrying about what someone else might think, or for any reason that stops us from pursuing what we want.
Standing up to the social injustices not only within ourselves but in our world and fight for new systems that promote self-appreciation, so that we can break down the structural hurdles that so many people have to overcome to be seen and feel heard.
It’s about undomesticating ourselves, stepping into our wild selves,
and thriving in our truth.
The beauty in taking on the great self-love feat is that when we begin to love ourselves unapologetically, we empower others to do the same. People start to realize that it’s safe to be who they really are, the unfiltered, emotional, goofball we gratefully call our friends, and the whole world benefits from this web of authenticity.
Self-Love Is Sexy
Plus, isn’t there something sexy about self-growth? When we take the time to become better versions of ourselves, we radiate good vibes and that glow is so magnetic, healthy, and inspiring!
We are all individually the source of our own power. When we are centered and grounded, we are attractive, and our energy becomes that much more irresistible.
Our souls crave self-love and our life will be better in all areas when we practice it.
A Guide to Radical Self-Love
Be alone.
“In the midst of it, you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own stunning clarity and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you will be sure of yourself”- Bianca Sparacino
